I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women
differ so much. And, I never have figured out why men think with
their head and women with their heart. And, I never yet have figured
out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil,
when it hears the words “I do”.

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like
it, I just want you to hold me.” I said, “WHAT??” So she says the
words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that
I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I’m thinking,

“What was her first clue?” I finally realize that nothing is going to
happen that night, so I went to sleep.

The very next day the we went shopping at a big department store… I
walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She
couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of
them.

She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to
which say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a
set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you … she was so excited. She
must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don’t
think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis
bracelet because she doesn’t even play tennis. I think I threw her for
a loop when I told her that it was OK. She was almost sexually excited
from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, “I’m
ready to go, let’s go to the cash register.” I could hardly contain
myself when I blurted out, “No, honey. I don’t feel like buying all
this stuff now.” You should have seen her face … it went completely
blank. I then said, “Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff
for a while.”

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
“You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man.”

I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the spring
thaw.