“I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.”"Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.”

“Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?”

“Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me . . . Good job!”

“Excuse me . . . is ’stick-up’ hyphenated?”

“I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.”

“You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?”

“Didn’t I see you get your butt kicked on ‘COPS’ last night?”

“Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend’s nightstand.”

“So, uh, you on the take, or what?”

Gee, Officer, that’s terrific . . . the last officer only gave me a warning, too!”

“Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.”

“I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there’s no other cars around . . . that’s how far ahead of me they are.”

“What do you mean, ‘Have I been drinking?’ You’re the trained specialist.”

“Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.”

—————————————————————————

Subject: things not to say to a police officer
Date: Sat, 7 Feb 1998 10:13:23 -0600

“ok ociffer, take me drunk i’m home again.”