1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs.
5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
Users find 137 new bugs. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free …
A grade school teacher was asking his pupils what their parents did for a living. “Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?” Tim stood up and proudly said, “She’s a doctor.”
“That’s wonderful. How about you, Amy?” Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, “My father is a mailman.” “Thank you, Amy” said the teacher. “What does your parent do, Billy?” Billy proudly stood up and announced, “My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse.”
The teacher was aghast and went to Billy’s house and rang the bell. Billy’s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Billy’s dad said, “I’m actually a system programmer specializing in TCP/IP communication protocol on UNIX systems. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?”
They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, “Where is my father?”
The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with “Your father is fishing in Michigan.”
The skeptical man said triumphantly, “You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years.”
“No”, replied the super computer immediately. “Your mother’s husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout.”
The problem with physicists is that they tend to cheat in order to get results.
The problem with mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy problems in order to get results.
The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to cheat at toy problems in order to get results.
A software verifier read in the Bible that God protects all fools and decided to test it empirically. He jumped out of the window and broke a leg. There he lies, writhing in pain, and happily thinks : “I never really considered myself a fool, but I never knew I was THAT clever!”
CIA - Computer Industry Acronyms
