(1 votes, average: 2 out of 5)

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When Johnny got arrested, they told him, “Anything you say will be held against you.”
Johnny said, “Claudia Schiffer’s breasts.”
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(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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You’ve lost the feeling below your ankles.
When you walk you have to waddle like a duck, so you fabricate a story about a knee-injury to dismiss curious onlookers.
When you wake up in the morning you can still see the impression of where your keys were in your pants pocket the night before.
The last time you [...]

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What’s the position to make ugly babies?
Ask your parents.
Similar Jokesthe ugly tree and seayou so ugly it looks like you fell from the top of the ugly tree hit every branch on the way down th…The good, bad, and ugly!* Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
* Bad: You can’t find your birth [...]

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You so skinny, you have to run around in the shower to get the water to hit you!
Similar JokesYo mama’s so skinny… baseball

 
Yo mama’s so skinny, she used a needle for a baseball bat

Preferential Treatment

 
A fat woman and a skinny woman were sitting together at a restaurant.
“Men prefer thin wome…Skinny DippingIt was a hot day [...]

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I’d slap you — but shit splatters.
Similar JokesBragging about old timesTwo men were boasting to each other about their old army days.

“Why, my outfit was so well drille…Bragging about old timesTwo men were boasting to each other about their old army days.

“Why, my outfit was so well drille…When to slap a midget?When is the only [...]

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Tell me everything you know…I have a few seconds to waste.
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Your chest is so flat, the walls are getting jealous.
Similar Jokes3 WomenThere are three women , the first one goes to the doctor for a checkup and takes her shirt off. The …Piano jokesQ: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat minor.

Q: What do you get …flat [...]

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One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her.”If you’re going to drown those puppies, at [...]

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Your cooking is so bad, the homeless give it back!

Similar JokesThe True StorySome time ago President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when, at the last minute, his regular coo…Can’t CookA young couple, married just a couple of weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning o…Making DonutsA man walks into a hamburger shop [...]

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How tall are you?
 I didn’t know they stacked shit that high!
Similar JokesPenguinThis guy runs into a bar and shouts, “Quick, how tall is a penguin??”The bartender looks stunned.”An…Bush & the BlackboardGeorge W. Bush was giving a third-grader a lesson on politics. First he asked the kid to write “The …Blonde in an ElevatorA tall blonde [...]

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