Chemist’s fast prayer:
Dear Lord, if I mix sodium
with concentrated HNO3,
and add to it Plutonium,
would you take care of me?
Similar JokesGood to be chemistREASONS TO BE A CHEMIST

- All the coffee and pocket protectors you could want!

- Clark Kent st…Biologist studies frogsA noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was stumped. [...]

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“Welcome to Entropy Burgers — may I take your order?”
“I put in disorder a long time ago. The service here is getting worse all the time.”
“My experience Gibbs me reason to believe you.”
“I know the waitress who asked that, too. Her name’s Ellen Omega. She really made me thermally dynamic. So, I asked her out. [...]

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Lab Reports
(to the tune of “Jingle Bells”)
Dashing through the lab
with a tan page lab report
Taking all those tests
and laughing at them all
Bells for fire drills ring
making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
a chemistry song tonight.
Oh, lab report, lab reports,
reacting all the way
Oh what fun it is to study
for a chemistry test today, [...]

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Q: How many physical chemists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he’ll change it three times, plot a straight line through the data, and then extrapolate to zero concentration.
“A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.”
Isaac Asimov said that if you want to find a chemist, [...]

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Cesium the Beautiful
Oh beautiful for blue of skies,
Among thy spectral lines.
When cast upon the waters clear,
Thy splendid fire shines.
Oh Cesium,
Oh Cesium,
Our days we trust to thee.
Thy faultless rhyme,
In keeping time,
From care doth set us free.
—Songs of Cesium #68
Similar JokesThe Cesium song 01Oh Cesium
(Tune, Oh Christmas tree)

Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,
Thy spectrum doth us please-ium.
Thy…The Cesium song [...]

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There’s antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium
And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,
And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,
Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium
And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium
And gold, protactinium and indium and gallium (inhale)
And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.
There’s yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium
And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium
And strontium and silicon [...]

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The Geologist’s Come-All-Ye (a folksong) by Brenna Lorenz
Come all ye lads and you will hear
About the life that we love dear,
Refrain: With our diddle-air-re-oh, falling rock away, knock it down,
Fall-di-knock-a-rock-away, me laddie-oh!
Geologists all bold and strong,
We are the subject of this song.
We get up with the rising sun
And map until the day is done.
We walk [...]

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Why Don’t We Mix Up the Two
(Tune, “Why don’t we get drunk…”
with apologies to Jimmy Buffett)
I’ve got a pound of Cesium,
It’s burning gently near.
The sky-blue flame looks lovely,
But it’s noise I want to hear.
So darlin’ bring some water,
A couple pints’ll do.
And why don’t we mix up the two?
Why don’t we mix up the two?
‘Cause Cesium [...]

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn’t put it down?
What’s the formula for water? -H-two-O What’s the formula for an ice cube? -H-two-O-CUBED
Q: What do you get when you combine Al Gore with O2?
A: Oxymoron
The best chemists would definitely not be pet owners.
Their idea [...]

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I’m Dreaming of a White Precipitate
I’m dreaming of a white precipitate
just like the ones I used to make
Where the colors are vivid
and the chemist is livid
to see impurities in the snow.
I’m dreaming of a white precipitate
with every chemistry test I write
May your equations be balanced and right
and may all your reactions be bright.
Similar JokesChemistry song [...]

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