A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to [...]

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A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it. His mom said, “Sure, sweetie. I’ll will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?”
“Uhh, oh [...]

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CAFETERIA: From 2 Latin words, “cafe” meaning place to eat and “teria” meaning to wretch.
MAJOR: Area of study that no longer interest you.
STUDENT ATHLETE: See “contradiction in terms.”
GRADE: Unrealistic and limited measure of academic accomplishment.
SUMMER SCHOOL: A viable alternative to a summer job.
QUARTER: The most [...]

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* Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.
* Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, “Does this taste funny to you?”
* Consistently write three atoms of potassium as ‘KKK.’
* Mutter repeatedly, “Not again… not again… not again.”
* When it’s very quiet, suddenly [...]

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