The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. “Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “what is 1 and 1?”
“Eleven,” she replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but she’s right.” “What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?”
“Today [...]

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A couple celebrated their fifth anniversary.
He said: “Darling, I have to confess something. I’m colorblind!”
She answered: “My love, I have also something to tell you. I’m not from Munich, I’m from Senegal.”
Similar JokessecretThis guy walks into a bar and 2 steps in, he realizes it’s a gay bar but
doesn’t really care cause …Some Marriage’s InsightsMy [...]

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Exclamations:
“Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!”
“Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.”
Threats:
“I’ll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtastyle.”
“This’ll jar your preserves.”
“Don’t you be makin’ me open a can o’ whoop-ass on ya!”
Good Things/Compliments:
“Cute as a sack full of puppies.”
“If things get any better, I may have to hire [...]

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Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight?
A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!
Tyson’s psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood….good thing he didn’t say two!
Tyson’s favorite football team-the Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS.
For the third fight between Mike and Evander, Tyson wants it to be held in [...]

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On the phone with a programmer friend of mine recently, I noticed a couple of times he said complimentary things about Microsoft. I didn’t understand why until he mentioned, later in the call, that he’d been taking some Microsoft technical classes recently.
A few minutes later he again said something nice about Microsoft and I asked, [...]

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