1. LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.
2. LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.
3. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.
4. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.
5. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.
6. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.
7. RAM: That thar thing whut [...]

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* When you go to a Japanese restaurant, you start a “USA! USA!” chant.
* When you girlfriend dumps you, you tell her she couldn’t “play with the big boys,” and that she will never get past mid-card status.
* When you search and search the bible for the book of Austin.
* If you can actually remember [...]

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If you introduce your wife as “mylady@home.wife”
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If you want a 20X CDROM for Christmas
If Dilbert is your hero
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
If you can name 6 Star [...]

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A blonde walks into a bar, the guy at the counter says to her, “Are you a natural blonde?”
“Why, yes, I am”, says the blonde.
“Can you prove it?” asks the guy.
“How do you propose I do this?”, asks the blonde.
“Well, pull down your pants & I’ll be able to tell, if you’re a natural blonde, [...]

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1. After your humans give you a bath, DON’T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU ! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets.
This is especially good if it’s right before your humans bedtime.
2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between [...]

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