A blind man enters a ladies bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things …
1 – The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 – The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3 – I’m a 6 feet tall, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 – The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 – The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,

“Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times”

While enjoying a drink with a friend one night, this guy decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar.

To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he’d like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and as soon as they get back to her house, they dive onto the bed and spend the night hard at it.

She gives this fellow the best night of his life with… THE WORKS! Finally, the fellow is completely worn out, and he reaches for a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one.

“There might be some matches in the top drawer,” she replies. Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy begins to worry. “Is this your husband?” he inquires nervously.

“No, silly,” she replies, snuggling up to him.

“Your boyfriend then?”

“No, I don’t have a boyfriend,” she says, nibbling away at his ear.

“Well, who is he then?!” demands the bewildered guy.

She tells him, “That was me before the operation.”

A beautiful Blonde woman walked into a bar and sat down next to a young gentlemen. As she turned to introduce herself, she noticed he was staring at his watch. “Is your date late?”, she asked.

“No” he replied. “I just bought a new, state of the art watch, and i’m testing it.”

Curious, the woman asked “State of the art, huh? Well what’s so special about it?”

“Well”, the man said, “besides telling time, it speaks to me telepathically.”

“Really?”, she said, “what’s it telling you now?”

“It’s telling me you’re not wearing any underwear.”

“Well it’s wrong, because I AM wearing underwear” said the woman.

The man taps his watch and replies “Hmm….darn thing must be an hour fast.”